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Monday, September 12, 2005

What Next? A Catechism that invites a call for reply

All these years along, I had been asking this question to myself so often, that it has become the part and parcel of my every New Year celebrations.

The years passed, the years are yet to pass. But all a while, I have the two quests, as
1. Discerning the Yearlong Deeds And,
2. What Next?
to delve upon.

So far, for over the decades, annually, I have been it to the situations, wherein I needed to back talk to these feeler inquisitions. When I reckon on my past, I find myself to have unfeignedly vindicating the prior and have the wisecrack for the later, which almost is supposedly an invincible task, henceforth yielding to vindictive pros for the coming year. Old habits die-hard!!

One Good thing, about all these yester years has been that, I could at least refute back for these two inquiries. Now I stand aloof, in tumult, where I find the later quest to be irrefutable. I still know not, is it that the question is unanswerable, or the answer is incontrovertible. These canker interrogations certainly seem to find no anodyne.

This is not all, when I glance through my past scribbling, that I used to make in my unusual diaries, they bring about the glimpses of buried treasure and other things submerged. Though the disdain life seems copacetic, it's well imbricated with detrimental insatiability. No more can I look into these dockets -the real reflection of the then self, for all they bring about is the sense of absolute abject and abominable self, when I juxtapose thy and then.

I could able to cauterize all my journals, that posed the image of a real abominable self, but can I expel them from my reminiscent thoughts that shall haunt me all along?
The Conflagrate conciousness' of the truth incinerates my life into the flames of lost hopes and ashed dreams. Yet I contrive to conserve the evanescent hopes and yearn for the peachy and winsome life.